I was born into an orthodox Christian family. Being raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was a great thing for me. Scripture study was a normal everyday part of our family life and so I got lots of exposure to the New Testament. The Bible portrays the disciples of Jesus Christ as sinners struggling to be saints. Far from idealized untouchables, these people whom the Lord called and helped were bumbling, fumbling, and stumbling just like me. It felt to me then and now, that this was something very practical and helpful, not distant and impossible.

One New Testament scholar, Julie Smith, describes the fallibility of these apostles like this:

“In Mark’s Gospel, the disciples are primarily portrayed as “learners,” which is a nice way of saying that they still have a lot to learn. By emphasizing their lack of understanding, Mark is able to highlight Jesus’ patience with them as well as to encourage his audience members who struggle in their own discipleship. In Mark, the disciples are very fallible folks who frequently make mistakes. They are called not to go out into the world at first, but to be with Jesus. They sometimes do not understand what Jesus is saying. James and John request honors. At one point, Peter even rebukes Jesus for what Jesus has taught him. At the Last Supper, when Jesus tells Peter that Peter will deny Jesus, Peter responds, “I will not deny thee in any wise.” In the very moment that Peter is promising not to deny Jesus, he denies Jesus; the irony here is overwhelming and in other, less serious circumstances, would be comical. When Jesus is arrested, the disciples flee. These six instances reflect Mark’s vision of discipleship: Mark teaches that Jesus doesn’t expect his disciples to be flawless; he expects them to stick close by so that they might increase in understanding. And Jesus is very patient with them while they do so. This is a very hopeful message.”

And then she says, “In the Gospel of Mark, but again, I would suggest it’s present in all of the gospels, Jesus’ disciples are far from flawless. Instead, they are learners who repeatedly stumble.”

This religious basis for the idea that this life wasn’t about absolute perfection, but about the process of learning, growing, and becoming a new kind of person was exactly what a careful young boy with some perfectionist tendencies needed to hear, again and again. It’s okay when you fail. Learn from it. It’s okay when others fail. Learn from that too. We’ve got a lot of growth ahead of us, and constantly flogging ourselves when we get it wrong isn’t helpful to the process of learning and growth. I felt then and feel now a kind Father in Heaven saying, “You can do it and I can help!”